my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
