just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
