had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
