My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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