well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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