you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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