Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
