He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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