nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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