Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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