did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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