he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
