my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
