She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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