You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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