I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
