the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
