i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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