I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize