It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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