so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
