dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How does one acquire holy water?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
