i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
