His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
