my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
