Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
