You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
