Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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