we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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