I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
