P.S. I can't hear my feet
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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