I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
