I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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