I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
