I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
