You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
