Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
