You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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