I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
