I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
