I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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