Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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