I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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