No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
