shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
