Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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