Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
