so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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