Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
