Who wears a wallet chain?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
