maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
