New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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