Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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