Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
