I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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