We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
