Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
