New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
