so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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