i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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