All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
