her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize