I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
