what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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