Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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