you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize