This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
