It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
