at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
